Ten Reasons Why This Summer Won't Suck

Hard as it may be to remember, summer movies used to premiere exclusively in the summer months. Back in the day, there was none of this business of releasing FX-heavy, blockbuster style movies like Percy Jackson & The Olympians: The Lightning Thief or Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland in winter or early spring.

While it's nice for those who enjoy these kind of movies to count on seeing them all year round, some might say that the idea of a summer movie season has been rendered obsolete. I say it doesn't matter what else is released the rest of the year - to not be excited about the summer movie season is like being blasé about Christmas: Not going to happen.

Admittedly, this summer looks pretty light on films to anticipate (and real light on horror - I guess Drag Me To Hell's weak showing last June took a toll) but here's my top ten reasons why I'm looking forward to the next few months of movies:

10. Jonah Hex

This adaptation of the DC horror/western comic will suck, surely, so maybe it shouldn't be on this list at all. But on the other hand - they made a freakin' Jonah Hex movie and that blows my mind! Hex is a character that only the most die-hard comic fans have any idea about, a character that even within the comic book community has extremely limited appeal - in other words, he sounds like the ideal character to build a big budget summer movie around, doesn't he?

Oh, and it's also a Western - and we know that's proven box office gold right there. So...this will be tanking in a big way when it hits theaters on June 18th (serving further death notice, Hex shares that date with Toy Story 3) but I'll be eagerly checking it out just the same.

9. The Last Exorcism

Some viewers have been done with the faux-documentary approach since The Blair Witch Project (1999). Others threw up their hands when Cloverfield (2008) came along. Just last year, Paranormal Activity (2009) further polarized audiences. For whatever reason, this type of film always provokes a divisive reaction. Personally, I usually love them and the idea of one dedicated to the demonic possession sub-genre seems promising to me. Produced by Eli Roth, I'm hoping The Last Exorcism will smoke all other faux-docs.

8. Inception

I wouldn't say I'm necessarily a big fan but it's hard to beat director Christopher Nolan's track record. At this point, it's almost a guarantee that anything he does is going to be quality and I can't imagine that with an artist as canny as Nolan that his first post-Dark Knight movie will be a misstep. Inception may not be as much as a slam-dunk as Batman 3 would be but this thriller set inside of dreams looks primed to keep Nolan's growing reputation intact.

7. Machete

This'll be the movie that shows the difference between a Mexi-can and a Mexi-can't. As the fake trailer for Machete upstaged almost everything else in Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino's tag-team exploitation extravaganza Grindhouse (2007), I hope that if this feature-length expansion turns out to be great, they'll pull the terminally dull Death-Proof from all Grindhouse DVDs and substitute Machete instead.

6. Splice

Genetic mutants should always be found running amok in at least one summer movie offering. To that end, Splice is this year's entry in the science experiment gone awry sweepstakes. Looks a little funkier than the usual summer fare but at the same time, it also looks like a full-on B-movie with earnest, over-reaching scientists in over their heads chasing down their creation.

5. Rush: Beyond the Lighted Stage

I don't know if this will actually play in any theaters in my area but I sure hope it does. A feature-length Rush documentary is too cool not to see on the big screen. Don't you agree?

4. The A-Team

On the one hand, it's valid to say that supporting remakes and adaptations of old TV shows is just encouraging Hollywood to flood theaters with mediocre bullshit. On the other hand, we're talking The A-Team here and that's nothing for a Gen-Xer like myself to be indifferent about. One of these days, it's inevitable that they'll start making movies based on shit I didn't grow up with and invariably I'll stop giving a damn about most of what's released in theaters. But as long as Hollywood is raiding my childhood for inspiration and playing the nostalgia card, I'll keep being a chump.

3. Predators

I hope this does really reboot the Predator franchise as planned and that isn't just a one-off thing. Either which way, whether audiences go for this or not, I think the concept is great. It's simple, but with a lot of opportunities to show off the Predators and their abilities. I'm of the opinion that you just can't go too wrong with a movie about a hunt - and if you've got the Predators doing the hunting, then you're really good.

2. Piranha 3-D

To my mind, the only bad thing about Piranha 3-D is that we have to wait through the entire summer to get to it. Labor Day Weekend? Seriously? Come on! Maybe I'm nuts, maybe I'm too pumped about piranha, but I think this movie should've been scheduled for July 4th weekend or something. Put it out at the height of the season, not dragging on the ass-end of the summer. Then again, I'll admit that my tastes and that of the movie-going public aren't always a match. To most people, this might look like a joke - like a glorified (or not so glorified) SyFy Channel movie. That attitude confounds me because all I see is awesome. I didn't think I'd be ok with CGI piranha but it turns out I am.

1. The Expendables

A movie that needs no further hype at this point - all I can say is that I am truly jacked to see it. Had Stallone's last two pictures - Rambo (2008) and Rocky Balboa (2006) - not been as satisfying as they were, I'd been more leery about the prospect of this being any good but I think the odds are in its favor. I just wish Kurt Russell had been able to be a part of this as well.

The above titles may not look like the makings of a great summer to everyone, but they look damn promising to me. Sure, I may feel very differently about them by the end of Labor Day weekend but with the summer just starting, who cares about all that now?